First

November 29th, 2018

The first time I fell in love
I was in it alone
I was a broken child
Who knew nothing but a broken home
The first time I said “I love you”
I had said it to myself
I’d only ever written it
And never dared to say it to anyone else
The first time I knew heartbreak
Was the first time I knew love
I was engulfed by the emotions
Or the lack thereof
Then when I first realized
That love should be embraced
That was the last abusive relationship
I ever let myself face

Disclosure: This is an emotional video clip of me from Christmas 2008. I recently watched through my old video journals and found this. In this clip, I encountered the first time I confessed to being in love. These words stuck in my head for a couple days and ended up inspiring this poem.

Final Sale

November 20th, 2018

There’s nothing new to write
I always feel the same way
I’m no different than my past
When I grew up in San Jose
I’m still the same person
I haven’t forgot
Ever since I was a child
I’ve been living a life that I’m not
I’m twenty-six years old
But in my heart I’m still sixteen
Facing the same problems
Like I’m stuck in a time machine
Will I ever grow?
Will I ever learn?
Or have I gone too far?
Am I at the point of no return?