Move

December 12th, 2009

You have to know I write about you
There’s no way that you don’t
I’d say I’d let you read this
But I know that I won’t
I’d say I don’t look for you
But we both know that’s not true
Every time you’re around me
I don’t know what to do
I’m counting down the days
Until we make this move
Maybe I won’t see you
But what would that prove
I know that this is wrong
But I want to know your feelings
But what if I don’t want to hear
The information you’d be revealing
We go back and forth
Like this is some kind of game
And I don’t know that it’s not
And what if you feel the same
We are getting so close
What happens when this ends
Do we move on like it never happened
And continue to pretend

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Right Back At The Beginning

November 29th, 2009

I miss the security of knowing when to be let down
that’s the only thing I could ever count on you to do
and I thought I lost that
I thought I overcame that feeling
but moving on
means getting let down
over and over again
maybe it’s what I deserved
maybe the past caught up with me
maybe what’s meant to be will be
and this is it
nothing more
this is all I have to be looking for
disappointment seeks its way to me
there’s no way to leave
this is it
this is what I live for
I’m sick of being a waste of time
I’m sick of having nothing else to find
I’m sick of mixed emotions
I’m sick of thinking of devotion
I’m sick of winding up where I was at the start
I’m sick of these feelings tearing me apart
I’m so tired of not knowing what to do
and ending up crawling towards something new
but in the end, it never works out
and from the start, I’d always have my doubts
and the end always comes
so unplanned
and it always ends that way
this is it
nothing new
I was nothing special to you
years ago it was all the same
I’m sick of being played, game after game
but if that’s life, why am I still living
I’m sick of ending up at the start
right back to the beginning

Crave

November 28th, 2009

It was the intensity of your curious eyes
burning into mine
with such confusion
that held me in awe for so long.

I had no grip on what I was doing
where I was going
and what the ending outcome would be
but I loved every moment of it.

Secret words we’d exchange
never fell from my lips
I only traced the words
with my fingertips –

Because they were mine
my secret
mine to hold
mine.

No actions followed our words
no more confused stares
we faded from that
right into awkward smiles
right into no longer existing.

No longer does any word
I say to you
mean anything
and your words are still secrets
but no longer my favorites.

You no longer light up my phone
and light up my face
with a smile
from the secrets we created
in a dizzy illusion
of what would seem to be a crush –

But we failed
and in a whirl of fading stars
I fell back to the ground.

I found my way up again
only to find
your words have been given away
but that’s okay.

Your words were more than enough
to fill my appetite
and no longer are they
what I crave.

(Originally Posted Here)