Right Back At The Beginning

November 29th, 2009

I miss the security of knowing when to be let down
that’s the only thing I could ever count on you to do
and I thought I lost that
I thought I overcame that feeling
but moving on
means getting let down
over and over again
maybe it’s what I deserved
maybe the past caught up with me
maybe what’s meant to be will be
and this is it
nothing more
this is all I have to be looking for
disappointment seeks its way to me
there’s no way to leave
this is it
this is what I live for
I’m sick of being a waste of time
I’m sick of having nothing else to find
I’m sick of mixed emotions
I’m sick of thinking of devotion
I’m sick of winding up where I was at the start
I’m sick of these feelings tearing me apart
I’m so tired of not knowing what to do
and ending up crawling towards something new
but in the end, it never works out
and from the start, I’d always have my doubts
and the end always comes
so unplanned
and it always ends that way
this is it
nothing new
I was nothing special to you
years ago it was all the same
I’m sick of being played, game after game
but if that’s life, why am I still living
I’m sick of ending up at the start
right back to the beginning

Becoming

December 3rd, 2019

The year is coming to an end
But I want time to stop
I’m watching life pass me by
Like I’m stuck behind the backdrop
The decade began with tales of woe
A heart that was going to burst
So I gathered myself and looked in the mirror
I said “I’m going to put myself first”
Those words rang false as I hit the wall
A fist held tight on my neck
In a year’s time, I had forgotten my worth
A memory that I’ll always regret
But a wilted flower can still bloom
One can regain their stature
If you lock the door and walk away
There’s hope for another chapter
You can nurture seeds and watch them grow
Find love, find home, find marriage
You’re not confined to who you were
And a phase that was once disparaged
But smooth sailing can still storm
A moment can become cutthroat
So it’s sink or swim, but I know my place
And I’ve learned how to stay afloat
So as seconds countdown on the clock
I wish to not forget these days
As ten years time changes everything
And I’ve learned from my upraise

So Confused

October 11th, 2009

So suddenly
I can’t believe
I let myself get into this

And anxiously
I made believe
Happy endings really exist

And on my own
And so alone
I found comfort in a voice

And in the sound
So interwound
I led myself into a choice

And questioning
What once believed
A path I’d find would do me right

And nervously
I can’t believe
I once was looking for the light

And in the end
It will make sense
But nothing seems to anymore

And up and down
This stupid road
Still looking for an open door

I once believed
I once thought true
That love was a mutual feeling

But years of pain
And weekly crying
My broken heart’s finally done healing

And late at night
I couldn’t sleep
With thoughts of you clouding my mind

I took the pain
I took the confusion
Cause loving you just made me blind

And out of sight
Was never out of mind
Until I found someone thought to be better

But I got caught up
I tripped too fast
To find myself under the weather

And friends can’t see
When they’re not around
And maybe I found
I like it that way

And so confused
And so confused
And so confused
And so confused

I can’t say it enough
To bring out it’s worth
Because so confused
Is all I’m worth