Right Back At The Beginning

November 29th, 2009

I miss the security of knowing when to be let down
that’s the only thing I could ever count on you to do
and I thought I lost that
I thought I overcame that feeling
but moving on
means getting let down
over and over again
maybe it’s what I deserved
maybe the past caught up with me
maybe what’s meant to be will be
and this is it
nothing more
this is all I have to be looking for
disappointment seeks its way to me
there’s no way to leave
this is it
this is what I live for
I’m sick of being a waste of time
I’m sick of having nothing else to find
I’m sick of mixed emotions
I’m sick of thinking of devotion
I’m sick of winding up where I was at the start
I’m sick of these feelings tearing me apart
I’m so tired of not knowing what to do
and ending up crawling towards something new
but in the end, it never works out
and from the start, I’d always have my doubts
and the end always comes
so unplanned
and it always ends that way
this is it
nothing new
I was nothing special to you
years ago it was all the same
I’m sick of being played, game after game
but if that’s life, why am I still living
I’m sick of ending up at the start
right back to the beginning

Crave

November 28th, 2009

It was the intensity of your curious eyes
burning into mine
with such confusion
that held me in awe for so long.

I had no grip on what I was doing
where I was going
and what the ending outcome would be
but I loved every moment of it.

Secret words we’d exchange
never fell from my lips
I only traced the words
with my fingertips –

Because they were mine
my secret
mine to hold
mine.

No actions followed our words
no more confused stares
we faded from that
right into awkward smiles
right into no longer existing.

No longer does any word
I say to you
mean anything
and your words are still secrets
but no longer my favorites.

You no longer light up my phone
and light up my face
with a smile
from the secrets we created
in a dizzy illusion
of what would seem to be a crush –

But we failed
and in a whirl of fading stars
I fell back to the ground.

I found my way up again
only to find
your words have been given away
but that’s okay.

Your words were more than enough
to fill my appetite
and no longer are they
what I crave.

(Originally Posted Here)

Your Lips

November 21st, 2009

Upon your lips
my eyes have found
a place that fits for mine
and in your hands
I have found
a place to intertwine
but time moves too slow
and I’m too fast
my feelings can’t keep up
but yours haven’t found
their way to me
and patience is slowly fading
months have passed
but have we yet
is this not going to work
or am I too fast
I can’t slow down
but I don’t want to be a jerk
I miss your smile
I miss that look
I haven’t been around in awhile
but you hooked me back
when I thought we were done
and I’m so confused
you brought me back to step one
intentions are secret
and so are your thoughts
I’d buy them if they could be bought
I’m driving myself crazy
but you’re too unstable
I wish I could help you stand
and thinking of this all
the way we started
I was confused from the start
and when our conversation ended
the feelings came back
I hate how close
and how far apart
and you don’t know
the way you make me
in the process of going crazy
the feelings have won me
I’m smiling too much
I can’t help but blush
but you’re not aware of my feelings
and after one night
you had won me over
bringing my heart back to healing
and I have been waiting
for some kind of sign
and maybe this time is it
because upon your lips
my eyes have found
a place that fits for mine