Drawback

March 15th, 2011

The same place I ignore
For lack of the allure
The knocking on my door
I’ve never felt like that before
The emptiness inside
The only place to hide
Myself where I confide
To know I’d only lied
The pounding in my head
To know what I had said
To trust in what I read
I did to get ahead
Myself and what I lack
Inside of my attack
I’m never coming back
I am my own drawback

Mother

April 15th, 2010

She walks slowly down the stairs
Hands pressed tight against the walls
Too drunk to control her movement
But not wanting to fall
The blank look in her eyes
She’s not really there
No expression, only pain
She thinks that no one cares
She doesn’t know yet
Alcohol is not the cure
Every new bottle I want to smash
But she’s made it so clear
I can’t make her change
She doesn’t care that she hurts her family
Just keeps drinking from that cup
And this is no role model for me
I can’t change the glass in her hand
It never seems to run dry
And I can’t fix the pain she feels
But I also can’t care when she cries
If she was still my mother
Why does she hurt me
She’s killing herself with a bottle
But she would disagree
She doesn’t want to stop
I’m not worth her time
And I can’t fix her life
So I have to fix mine
She can’t accept I’ve tried
But I’m not enough
I try to stay strong
But I’m not that tough
She’s poisoning herself
This shouldn’t be right
But if this is all you’ll ever be
I’ll have to give up this fight
Would you want this for me
To take after you
I wish you could see
How much more you could do