Too Much

January 30th, 2010

Trapped in this room
I can’t pretend I’m safe
The voices are strong
I didn’t want it to be this way
I can’t find an exit
Only an end
They’re not the same thing
I need a new choice
I need a new voice
Someone come save me
I can’t find my grip
I’m feeling so weak
Nothing is right
Nothing is real
Why does this feel
Like I’ve been here before
Still, no exit
Still, no door
Still, no meaning
This is meaning
Still, no will
Still, no want
Still, no apology
Still, nothing
I follow the voice
It lurks around me
And the darkness does too
I guess they finally won
I have no choice
I must give in
It’s the only way
You know it’s the only way
First my hands
They fade so slow
I’m just so cold
You left me cold
My black eyes
They see right through you
You’re too cold to be numb
You deserve to freeze
You deserve to hurt
You deserve to feel
But this isn’t about you
And I’m leaving on my own
And I won’t think of you anymore
You’re already gone
My only thought is
The dark on my mind
The numbing won’t fade
This place is so endless
I just can’t escape
It’s just like the mirror
I remember when I used to look at her
The dark eyes
Never-ending
Repeat the pain
Feel my pain
Join me in the dark
Follow my voice
I’d tell you it’s going to be okay
But I don’t like to lie
My stomach crushes inside
My lungs can’t find the air
The darkness only laughs
It grows with my pain
This all goes back to me
I’ve always been a fool
I’ve just been too nice
Why am I so nice
I wish I had a voice
You were always the one
You’d say what I left unspoken
You completed my voice
But then left me broken
But at least I can’t feel
Because these memories hurt
So I’ll leave them in the past
It’s where they belong
And I know I don’t here
This isn’t my place
The dark all around
Is too cold to trace
It gives you that chill
Where you lose all your strength
And you’ve been going in circles
And nothing’s okay
And your legs want to collapse
Your whole body knows what’s wrong
But it won’t go away
And you just want to be strong
But I’m still in this place
And I’m still feeling weak
And it’s still all so dark
And there’s still no way out
And the mirror found me again
Covered in blood
Eyes so black
I feel so cold
And the color all fades
And the mirror lost its face
And the numbness I feel
Has settled in place
And it won’t go away
And nothing feels right
And everything’s changing
And I’m losing my mind
I just want something stable
I need something to stay
A comforting feeling
That can’t be taken away
But I think that’s too much
They think that’s too much
Am I asking too much
Is this asking too much?
They all put me down
Is this where I belong
But I keep getting up
Because I want to be strong
And sometimes I wonder
How is it so
That everyone keeps hurting me
But I don’t want to let go
Am I the only one
Who feels all the pain
I’ve been too nice
Why am I so nice
I just want to give up
I know the truth
None of it’s worth it
Why do I trick myself
And it kind of scares me
How much people lie
I’m so easily fooled
Why they look in my eyes
And there’s not many who are honest
But I feel I’ve been all along
I never thought I was the only one
But I guess I was wrong
So if this is asking too much
And I can’t even feel
And my mirror is avoiding me
And nothing feels real
I’ll keep searching for my exit
Because it’s all just too fake
But as much as I want to
I just can’t escape

Lifeless

August 20th, 2020

What a time
To be alive
Sunlight’s bleeding
Through the sky
The weather rebels
The people do too
You have to think fast
Before lightning strikes you
It’s time to escape
But where do you go
Life as you knew it
Burned with no afterglow
Longing for the past
That you want to revive
Lethargic towards the future
But you want to survive

Mirrors

July 23rd, 2009

My eyes are searching
And they find you
A simple blur in my vision
But it’s so much more than that
I reach out
But never close enough to touch
Never close enough to feel
I’m never close enough
The image floats away
The blur is gone
And I’m all alone
Nothing to reach
I can’t be let down anymore
Except for the mirror
Another blur
I turned it around
I don’t want to be her
I’ve got nothing left
And she mocks it at me
And as much as I want to
I can’t change a thing
I’ve been tied up and beat
Into this person called me
And the more I try to change
It’s all I can be
And I reach out for help
But the blur went away
And I talk to myself
But I never make sense
And my problems are here
And they’re going unsolved
And my mind works so fast
But it won’t get involved
And my heart is still beating
But will I survive
I’ve been here for so long
I wonder if I’m alive
And this place in my mind
Has been my new home
With no windows and doors
Trapped to be alone
The people come and go
But they just don’t see me
They just don’t hear me
They all blur into one
They all let me down
And in the mirror
Is where the blur can be found
So I shatter the glass
It feels good to see it break
Then I realize I’m feeling
So have I finally escaped
And the shattered pieces
All look at me
They try to keep me here
But I just can’t stay
And I’m searching this place
Nothing left
Nothing right
I’m just lost in this feeling
That nothing’s alright
Then I hear a voice
Or am I just crazy
I go back to the mirror
And she says she wants to save me
She knows I’ve got nothing
And that I made her cry
And when I’m looking at her
She looks me straight in the eyes
Then I wake up
And I know where I am
The light is so bright
From the window I smashed
And though I got out
The feeling won’t go away
That the girl in the mirror
Follows me every day
And I know it sounds crazy
Because I’m the one in the mirror
But this girl’s not me
She’s something so unclear
And still, I see the blurs
They pass me every day
And again I reach out
But still too far away
And I don’t know what to do
I just feel so insane
And asking for help
Is out of the way
And the mirror holds my secrets
Smashed to bits
And they all call me crazy
And it’s starting to fit
But how would it not
I speak to my mirror
And the words she speaks back
I don’t want to hear
And my mind is racing
I’m feeling sky high
And somebody’s dropped me
So how long ’til I die?