Crutch

January 17th, 2010

I didn’t want to write that
But the thought won’t leave my mind
And in my prior journal
I thought I left you behind
But here you are on these pages
One turned into two
And as this book is filling up
I know it’s because of you
I took to writing because
There were problems to work through
Now those thoughts don’t fill my verses
As much as these things about you
I forgot how much I needed this
But I know I don’t need you
Then you fill me with confusion
And I don’t know what to do
I’m writing on the paper
But it doesn’t mean that much
And these words are adding up
Though this is nothing but a crutch

That Much

December 30th, 2009

I get a little bit crazy
But nothing out of control
My minds a little bit spacy
When I’m out on my own
And I’m a little bit stupid
And I’m falling behind
And I’m a little bit complicated
Why can’t I just push rewind

[Pre Chorus:]
And the piles adding up
But I just can’t take that much

[Chorus:]
And I don’t know just who I am
Please figure me out
And I don’t know what to do
I’m just always in doubt
And I need some help
Please help me through
And I’ve lost everything
But am I losing you

And I’m a little lost
Never been over here
And I’m a little dizzy
Trying to get over this fear
And I lost my help
Because they let me go
And the more I ask
The more I hear no

[Pre Chorus:]
And the piles adding up
But I just can’t take that much

[Chorus:]
And I don’t know just who I am
Please figure me out
And I don’t know what to do
I’m just always in doubt
And I need some help
Please help me through
And I’ve lost everything
But am I losing you

And I find my way out
But realize I’m wrong
And I’m always confused
Have I been all along
And I thought I knew
Exactly who I was before
But moving on
I didn’t anymore

[Chorus:]
And I don’t know just who I am
Please figure me out
And I don’t know what to do
I’m just always in doubt
And I need some help
Please help me through
And I’ve lost everything
But am I losing you

[Pre Chorus:]
And the piles adding up
But I just can’t take that much

Crave

November 28th, 2009

It was the intensity of your curious eyes
burning into mine
with such confusion
that held me in awe for so long.

I had no grip on what I was doing
where I was going
and what the ending outcome would be
but I loved every moment of it.

Secret words we’d exchange
never fell from my lips
I only traced the words
with my fingertips –

Because they were mine
my secret
mine to hold
mine.

No actions followed our words
no more confused stares
we faded from that
right into awkward smiles
right into no longer existing.

No longer does any word
I say to you
mean anything
and your words are still secrets
but no longer my favorites.

You no longer light up my phone
and light up my face
with a smile
from the secrets we created
in a dizzy illusion
of what would seem to be a crush –

But we failed
and in a whirl of fading stars
I fell back to the ground.

I found my way up again
only to find
your words have been given away
but that’s okay.

Your words were more than enough
to fill my appetite
and no longer are they
what I crave.

(Originally Posted Here)