Disease

February 20th, 2010

Believe me, you always knew I was lying
Hurt me, you could always tell I was crying
Breathe me, I don’t deserve this air
Numb me, because I just don’t want to care
There’s not much else that I can say
Just waiting for the end of this day
They all tell me I will be okay
I just don’t want to hear this today
Push everything back and it won’t exist
Take back my disease and the scars on my wrist
You changed the way my mirror and I spoke
And everything I used to be, you broke
Every chance I ever had, you changed my mind
And I’m just sick of knowing that you made me blind
Now you’re gone, and I have nothing left to me at all
I never thought I could ever take that hard of a fall
Open my eyes and I now can see I was so confused
And everything I kept inside made me feel more abused
The pain spread around in places I just could no longer take
And how long I kept it inside before I finally let myself break
I took the pieces and I had to put them back together
But the pieces won’t always fit forever
The glue and the tape just won’t always do
And I know I just can’t count on you
I’ll find a way to keep me sane
I just can’t always numb the pain
So here I am and it might be okay
Am I finally ready to live today
The girl in my mirror still yells some cruel things
And there’s still hurtful words every time the phone rings
But it’ll help me cope and I’ll finally be strong
Because as blind as I was, I now know it was you who was wrong

Persevere

May 22nd, 2019

The seasons are changing
The oceans are raging
The ground is unsteady
These emotions are heavy
The storm in my head
While I lay in my bed
The clock ticks away
Turning night into day
These thoughts are not real
But they’re all that I feel
As I’m stuck in the ocean
I drown in slow motion
Awake or asleep
These thoughts always creep
The trembling that I feel
Makes me think this is real
This illness isn’t me
I’m somewhere in-between
What’s wrong and what’s right
Do I fight or I flight
The darkness inside
Has no place to hide
My mind might be the offender
But I will not surrender

Savage

January 16th, 2019

My depression is dormant
Resting in hibernation
But it stays consistent
Like the seasonal migration
It’s like a wild animal
Waiting to pounce
It’s trying to take over
But I won’t renounce
It sneakily slithers
When I’m unaware
And nothing can save me
From my psychological warfare
So I self destruct
And I start a stampede
I might be beaten down
But I refuse to concede