Homeless

March 15th, 2019

11:11 and under bridge wishing
Ever since I was young I’ve been wanting the same thing
As scenery changes a life I’ve once known
I’ve been longing for a place that felt like home
But home is not a place you can touch
It is not a building filled with stuff
It is an emotion that you can feel
It is the only place that you can be real
They say home is something you know in your heart
But a house was the place that tore me apart
People say that ignorance is bliss
But I’d rather find home than feel like this

The Secret Life of Dolls

January 15th, 2019

Let’s go back
To a story that never started
Where a porcelain toy
Wasn’t left broken hearted
Let’s go back
To memories that don’t exist
Because the bruises never formed
At the hands of angry fists
Let’s go back
To when you didn’t drink the bottle
It fell empty on its own
And you’re still a perfect role model
Let’s go back
To when you didn’t let me down
You must have told me you were moving
Before you left town
Let’s go back
To when our family was defined
And I will delete what never happened
From the archives of my mind

First

November 29th, 2018

The first time I fell in love
I was in it alone
I was a broken child
Who knew nothing but a broken home
The first time I said “I love you”
I had said it to myself
I’d only ever written it
And never dared to say it to anyone else
The first time I knew heartbreak
Was the first time I knew love
I was engulfed by the emotions
Or the lack thereof
Then when I first realized
That love should be embraced
That was the last abusive relationship
I ever let myself face

Disclosure: This is an emotional video clip of me from Christmas 2008. I recently watched through my old video journals and found this. In this clip, I encountered the first time I confessed to being in love. These words stuck in my head for a couple days and ended up inspiring this poem.