Too Much

January 30th, 2010

Trapped in this room
I can’t pretend I’m safe
The voices are strong
I didn’t want it to be this way
I can’t find an exit
Only an end
They’re not the same thing
I need a new choice
I need a new voice
Someone come save me
I can’t find my grip
I’m feeling so weak
Nothing is right
Nothing is real
Why does this feel
Like I’ve been here before
Still, no exit
Still, no door
Still, no meaning
This is meaning
Still, no will
Still, no want
Still, no apology
Still, nothing
I follow the voice
It lurks around me
And the darkness does too
I guess they finally won
I have no choice
I must give in
It’s the only way
You know it’s the only way
First my hands
They fade so slow
I’m just so cold
You left me cold
My black eyes
They see right through you
You’re too cold to be numb
You deserve to freeze
You deserve to hurt
You deserve to feel
But this isn’t about you
And I’m leaving on my own
And I won’t think of you anymore
You’re already gone
My only thought is
The dark on my mind
The numbing won’t fade
This place is so endless
I just can’t escape
It’s just like the mirror
I remember when I used to look at her
The dark eyes
Never-ending
Repeat the pain
Feel my pain
Join me in the dark
Follow my voice
I’d tell you it’s going to be okay
But I don’t like to lie
My stomach crushes inside
My lungs can’t find the air
The darkness only laughs
It grows with my pain
This all goes back to me
I’ve always been a fool
I’ve just been too nice
Why am I so nice
I wish I had a voice
You were always the one
You’d say what I left unspoken
You completed my voice
But then left me broken
But at least I can’t feel
Because these memories hurt
So I’ll leave them in the past
It’s where they belong
And I know I don’t here
This isn’t my place
The dark all around
Is too cold to trace
It gives you that chill
Where you lose all your strength
And you’ve been going in circles
And nothing’s okay
And your legs want to collapse
Your whole body knows what’s wrong
But it won’t go away
And you just want to be strong
But I’m still in this place
And I’m still feeling weak
And it’s still all so dark
And there’s still no way out
And the mirror found me again
Covered in blood
Eyes so black
I feel so cold
And the color all fades
And the mirror lost its face
And the numbness I feel
Has settled in place
And it won’t go away
And nothing feels right
And everything’s changing
And I’m losing my mind
I just want something stable
I need something to stay
A comforting feeling
That can’t be taken away
But I think that’s too much
They think that’s too much
Am I asking too much
Is this asking too much?
They all put me down
Is this where I belong
But I keep getting up
Because I want to be strong
And sometimes I wonder
How is it so
That everyone keeps hurting me
But I don’t want to let go
Am I the only one
Who feels all the pain
I’ve been too nice
Why am I so nice
I just want to give up
I know the truth
None of it’s worth it
Why do I trick myself
And it kind of scares me
How much people lie
I’m so easily fooled
Why they look in my eyes
And there’s not many who are honest
But I feel I’ve been all along
I never thought I was the only one
But I guess I was wrong
So if this is asking too much
And I can’t even feel
And my mirror is avoiding me
And nothing feels real
I’ll keep searching for my exit
Because it’s all just too fake
But as much as I want to
I just can’t escape

Fake

July 19th, 2009

I say it
But do I mean it
Is the question
I feel it
But is it the same way
I express it
I’ve felt pain
But is it the same way
Others feel it
I’ve had sad eyes
But was it real
Or just another white lie
I’ve been asleep
Or was I really
Just another performance
I’ve read things
But could you possibly read it
The same way I did
I see you
But are you what I want
Or what I need
And all I see
All I read
All I feel
All I fake
What I think
It all makes no sense
And once again I’m lost
I absorb all I can
I contradict myself
I see things that aren’t real
Or was it just what I didn’t want to see
And to hear my thoughts
You wouldn’t understand
And to feel my pain
It’s just too fake
And to look into my eyes
And further to what’s not real
Would you even see me
Would you understand me
You wouldn’t be able to take it in
No one understands
No one even tries
To feel the fake
To feel the lies
To see my world
Behind my eyes

Alive

July 13th, 2009

Fake as plastic
Real as pain
These unhappy thoughts
Run through my veins
They spread around
They make me feel
It hurts to know
It’s just too real
And there you are
Acting like I’m not here
You said you’d be the one who gets hurt
But that was me, my dear
I’m screaming so loud
Please just let me go
It’ll be a secret
No one needs to know
Closer to the edge
Heart beating stronger
And all that I thought was real
Couldn’t be wronger
Fake as the lies you spread
Real as the pain you put me through
Sinking in like quicksand
So slowly with nothing I can do
Story of my life
I can’t believe you lied
So slowly you killed me
But I’ve never felt more alive than when I died