Finally Happy

February 15th, 2010

Open your eyes
What do you see
Is this what you wanted
Because for me everything’s wrong
This wasn’t supposed to happen
It wasn’t supposed to be this way
Everything was supposed to be alright
I thought I was finally happy
But every once in a while
When I think I am
I open my eyes
And realize I’m not
Everything’s wrong
Please make this right
Nothing is right
Why is it wrong
I can’t fix this feeling
It won’t go away
It’s been lurking around me
For so many days
It crashed me down
It tells me where I belong
And the more I hear those words
The more I wish they were wrong
Nothing is right
This isn’t right
Do you believe this
These words you hear
Why do I hear this
Why won’t it go away
Why is this life
Was I supposed to live this way
I close my eyes
I make-believe
But urging me to
They open again
Why can’t I just be happy
Why can’t I just believe
Why can’t I live a lie
Why can’t I close my eyes
I wish it away
I wish it to be gone
I’m sick of this feeling
I want it to be gone
So I cover my eyes
I put on my smile
And maybe if I’m not looking
I can be happy for a while

I Know

January 25th, 2010

One little lie
I shouldn’t dignify
So I placed a rose in to your hand
You placed your toes in the wet sand
I saw that look inside your eyes
But I let you say goodbye
I know I didn’t try
I know I didn’t try
We crashed on your bed
My chin above your head
In my arms was where you laid
But we soon began to fade
And not the beach, but where we lie
One last kiss before goodbye
Our hands intertwined
Guilty thoughts inside my mind
I let the train pull me away
But it brought you back to me one day
We walked around in the summer air
I just really wanted to care
I know I wasn’t fair
I know I wasn’t fair
Another laying in my bed
Confused thoughts inside your head
I never told you, you were right
My feelings I just couldn’t fight
I wish I could take it back
But then the experience I’d lack
I know that it was wrong
I’d known it all along
I wish I never lied
I’m sorry I didn’t try

Wanting

August 18th, 2020

Here I am again
I lack the words to say
I set myself apart
But I don’t want to feel this way
I want to feel accepted
I want to feel wanted
But I won’t let myself
Feel anything but haunted
Here I am again
I don’t know how to proceed
I write myself into pieces
That no one ever reads
I want to feel happy
I want to feel important
But I can’t change myself
So I’ll live my life dormant