Reflections Don’t Lie

May 31st, 2021

I feel beside myself
Am I even here
My life turned into
Something insincere
Is this the wakeup call
That I have been needing
These wounds never healed
I can still feel them bleeding
Taking bits and pieces
I try to keep things together
Nothing ever fits
When I’m a victim of the weather
I’ve crashed and I’ve burned
For something I yearn
A content life
But it’s just not my turn
Is it too much medication
Or is it not enough
When I spill out all my feelings
I regret opening up
Then I realize
That it’s not only me
Like Cassie Steele asked
“How much for happy?”

Fears

March 24th, 2010

It scares me
The thought that once again I’m fooled
Because I am so naive
And vulnerable
Should I trust again
The question doesn’t leave my mind
I’m feeling so lost
I’m feeling less sain
My heart has a way
Of getting the best of me
Does this deserve the best?
Do I even have a best?
These chemicals are overwhelming
I can’t keep a thought
I can’t fight my feelings
I need this to stop
I don’t know what’s right
I’m scared of the past
I try to keep hope
But I just can’t forget
Haunting my thoughts
And I can’t let it go
These feelings are confusing me
More than you know
Should I give in
Should I take a chance
My heart is so restless
Beating out of my chest

Finally Happy

February 15th, 2010

Open your eyes
What do you see
Is this what you wanted
Because for me everything’s wrong
This wasn’t supposed to happen
It wasn’t supposed to be this way
Everything was supposed to be alright
I thought I was finally happy
But every once in a while
When I think I am
I open my eyes
And realize I’m not
Everything’s wrong
Please make this right
Nothing is right
Why is it wrong
I can’t fix this feeling
It won’t go away
It’s been lurking around me
For so many days
It crashed me down
It tells me where I belong
And the more I hear those words
The more I wish they were wrong
Nothing is right
This isn’t right
Do you believe this
These words you hear
Why do I hear this
Why won’t it go away
Why is this life
Was I supposed to live this way
I close my eyes
I make-believe
But urging me to
They open again
Why can’t I just be happy
Why can’t I just believe
Why can’t I live a lie
Why can’t I close my eyes
I wish it away
I wish it to be gone
I’m sick of this feeling
I want it to be gone
So I cover my eyes
I put on my smile
And maybe if I’m not looking
I can be happy for a while