I grew up on Magic Sands Sailor Moon and Pokemon cards Skinned knees from bike rides Barbies with the girls Games with the boys Anything was possible Until the streetlights came on Sunsets were mysteries I couldn’t read the clock But I would wake up early To beat my brothers to the Playstation Overalls and dresses Hiking and makeup Childhood was everything That is should be Long days on Kristen’s porch And sneaking into the hot tub This neighborhood was an adventure Long walks to the pool Scootering through the laundry room Bike rides around the block My imagination couldn’t stop But funny to imagine I ever wanted to grow up And funnier to realize This made me who I’ve become
My eyes are searching
And they find you
A simple blur in my vision
But it’s so much more than that
I reach out
But never close enough to touch
Never close enough to feel
I’m never close enough
The image floats away
The blur is gone
And I’m all alone
Nothing to reach
I can’t be let down anymore
Except for the mirror
Another blur
I turned it around
I don’t want to be her
I’ve got nothing left
And she mocks it at me
And as much as I want to
I can’t change a thing
I’ve been tied up and beat
Into this person called me
And the more I try to change
It’s all I can be
And I reach out for help
But the blur went away
And I talk to myself
But I never make sense
And my problems are here
And they’re going unsolved
And my mind works so fast
But it won’t get involved
And my heart is still beating
But will I survive
I’ve been here for so long
I wonder if I’m alive
And this place in my mind
Has been my new home
With no windows and doors
Trapped to be alone
The people come and go
But they just don’t see me
They just don’t hear me
They all blur into one
They all let me down
And in the mirror
Is where the blur can be found
So I shatter the glass
It feels good to see it break
Then I realize I’m feeling
So have I finally escaped
And the shattered pieces
All look at me
They try to keep me here
But I just can’t stay
And I’m searching this place
Nothing left
Nothing right
I’m just lost in this feeling
That nothing’s alright
Then I hear a voice
Or am I just crazy
I go back to the mirror
And she says she wants to save me
She knows I’ve got nothing
And that I made her cry
And when I’m looking at her
She looks me straight in the eyes
Then I wake up
And I know where I am
The light is so bright
From the window I smashed
And though I got out
The feeling won’t go away
That the girl in the mirror
Follows me every day
And I know it sounds crazy
Because I’m the one in the mirror
But this girl’s not me
She’s something so unclear
And still, I see the blurs
They pass me every day
And again I reach out
But still too far away
And I don’t know what to do
I just feel so insane
And asking for help
Is out of the way
And the mirror holds my secrets
Smashed to bits
And they all call me crazy
And it’s starting to fit
But how would it not
I speak to my mirror
And the words she speaks back
I don’t want to hear
And my mind is racing
I’m feeling sky high
And somebody’s dropped me
So how long ’til I die?
11:11 and under bridge wishing
Ever since I was young I’ve been wanting the same thing
As scenery changes a life I’ve once known
I’ve been longing for a place that felt like home
But home is not a place you can touch
It is not a building filled with stuff
It is an emotion that you can feel
It is the only place that you can be real
They say home is something you know in your heart
But a house was the place that tore me apart
People say that ignorance is bliss
But I’d rather find home than feel like this
Doll-Urban Poetry 