April 22nd, 2010

I grew up on Magic Sands
Sailor Moon and Pokemon cards
Skinned knees from bike rides
Barbies with the girls
Games with the boys
Anything was possible
Until the streetlights came on
Sunsets were mysteries
I couldn’t read the clock
But I would wake up early
To beat my brothers to the Playstation
Overalls and dresses
Hiking and makeup
Childhood was everything
That is should be
Long days on Kristen’s porch
And sneaking into the hot tub
This neighborhood was an adventure
Long walks to the pool
Scootering through the laundry room
Bike rides around the block
My imagination couldn’t stop
But funny to imagine
I ever wanted to grow up
And funnier to realize
This made me who I’ve become


July 23rd, 2009

My eyes are searching
And they find you
A simple blur in my vision
But it’s so much more than that
I reach out
But never close enough to touch
Never close enough to feel
I’m never close enough
The image floats away
The blur is gone
And I’m all alone
Nothing to reach
I can’t be let down anymore
Except for the mirror
Another blur
I turned it around
I don’t want to be her
I’ve got nothing left
And she mocks it at me
And as much as I want to
I can’t change a thing
I’ve been tied up and beat
Into this person called me
And the more I try to change
It’s all I can be
And I reach out for help
But the blur went away
And I talk to myself
But I never make sense
And my problems are here
And they’re going unsolved
And my mind works so fast
But it won’t get involved
And my heart is still beating
But will I survive
I’ve been here for so long
I wonder if I’m alive
And this place in my mind
Has been my new home
With no windows and doors
Trapped to be alone
The people come and go
But they just don’t see me
They just don’t hear me
They all blur into one
They all let me down
And in the mirror
Is where the blur can be found
So I shatter the glass
It feels good to see it break
Then I realize I’m feeling
So have I finally escaped
And the shattered pieces
All look at me
They try to keep me here
But I just can’t stay
And I’m searching this place
Nothing left
Nothing right
I’m just lost in this feeling
That nothing’s alright
Then I hear a voice
Or am I just crazy
I go back to the mirror
And she says she wants to save me
She knows I’ve got nothing
And that I made her cry
And when I’m looking at her
She looks me straight in the eyes
Then I wake up
And I know where I am
The light is so bright
From the window I smashed
And though I got out
The feeling won’t go away
That the girl in the mirror
Follows me every day
And I know it sounds crazy
Because I’m the one in the mirror
But this girl’s not me
She’s something so unclear
And still, I see the blurs
They pass me every day
And again I reach out
But still too far away
And I don’t know what to do
I just feel so insane
And asking for help
Is out of the way
And the mirror holds my secrets
Smashed to bits
And they all call me crazy
And it’s starting to fit
But how would it not
I speak to my mirror
And the words she speaks back
I don’t want to hear
And my mind is racing
I’m feeling sky high
And somebody’s dropped me
So how long ’til I die?


March 15th, 2019

11:11 and under bridge wishing
Ever since I was young I’ve been wanting the same thing
As scenery changes a life I’ve once known
I’ve been longing for a place that felt like home
But home is not a place you can touch
It is not a building filled with stuff
It is an emotion that you can feel
It is the only place that you can be real
They say home is something you know in your heart
But a house was the place that tore me apart
People say that ignorance is bliss
But I’d rather find home than feel like this