Denial

June 10th, 2021

Another collision
Like the last two years disappeared
Like before I ever met you
But my memories haven’t cleared
I had consciously chosen
Not to write you into my pages
But I can’t keep pretending
If I want to get through these next stages
And I’ve tried to shake this feeling
But for months it hasn’t faded
You left me in your past
Like it was me who made you jaded
Then I dreamed that you said sorry
When I know you’ll never be
So I’ll write you out of my system
And I can set this free

Mother

April 15th, 2010

She walks slowly down the stairs
Hands pressed tight against the walls
Too drunk to control her movement
But not wanting to fall
The blank look in her eyes
She’s not really there
No expression, only pain
She thinks that no one cares
She doesn’t know yet
Alcohol is not the cure
Every new bottle I want to smash
But she’s made it so clear
I can’t make her change
She doesn’t care that she hurts her family
Just keeps drinking from that cup
And this is no role model for me
I can’t change the glass in her hand
It never seems to run dry
And I can’t fix the pain she feels
But I also can’t care when she cries
If she was still my mother
Why does she hurt me
She’s killing herself with a bottle
But she would disagree
She doesn’t want to stop
I’m not worth her time
And I can’t fix her life
So I have to fix mine
She can’t accept I’ve tried
But I’m not enough
I try to stay strong
But I’m not that tough
She’s poisoning herself
This shouldn’t be right
But if this is all you’ll ever be
I’ll have to give up this fight
Would you want this for me
To take after you
I wish you could see
How much more you could do

Love Me Anyway

February 13th, 2010

I liked the idea of you and me
But you didn’t take us seriously
Now all of that is in the past
Because nothing ever seems to last
But it’s something I won’t forget
You’re a prison I’ll always regret
You left me with memories that won’t go away
Could someone else love me anyway?
I hate the fact I have this curse
My heart or my actions, I don’t know which is worse
It’s not like you gave me much of a choice
But it’s not like I didn’t have a voice
I wish I had known before this came to be
Because this is now my reality
And I have to live with this day by day
Could someone else love me anyway?

2010 2 (6)