Mother

April 15th, 2010

She walks slowly down the stairs
Hands pressed tight against the walls
Too drunk to control her movement
But not wanting to fall
The blank look in her eyes
She’s not really there
No expression, only pain
She thinks that no one cares
She doesn’t know yet
Alcohol is not the cure
Every new bottle I want to smash
But she’s made it so clear
I can’t make her change
She doesn’t care that she hurts her family
Just keeps drinking from that cup
And this is no role model for me
I can’t change the glass in her hand
It never seems to run dry
And I can’t fix the pain she feels
But I also can’t care when she cries
If she was still my mother
Why does she hurt me
She’s killing herself with a bottle
But she would disagree
She doesn’t want to stop
I’m not worth her time
And I can’t fix her life
So I have to fix mine
She can’t accept I’ve tried
But I’m not enough
I try to stay strong
But I’m not that tough
She’s poisoning herself
This shouldn’t be right
But if this is all you’ll ever be
I’ll have to give up this fight
Would you want this for me
To take after you
I wish you could see
How much more you could do

Inception

January 21st, 2020

I’m coming undone
Like the buttons of my blouse
The end of a long day
Victim to dreams of the doll house
Childhood bottled up
Unraveling with time
Innocence unnurtured
Nature of my mind
Love came at a price
That I could not afford
I must have gone bankrupt
When you cut the umbilical cord

Fiction

July 1st, 2019

The words don’t leave my pencil
You must be satisfied
Because I bottled up my feelings
And I buried them alive
I don’t want any pity
There must be some confusion
I am more than my own story
And your fictitious disillusion
You pretend that you know me
When all you know is your perception
So I gave myself a new identity
And stepped away from your rejection
But you send me right back to that place
Like I’m a scared little kid
Because you still hold that power
When you refuse to admit what you did
So you can write your own narrative
And you can convince yourself it’s true
But no matter how you conclude this
I will never forgive you