Disease

February 20th, 2010

Believe me, you always knew I was lying
Hurt me, you could always tell I was crying
Breathe me, I don’t deserve this air
Numb me, because I just don’t want to care
There’s not much else that I can say
Just waiting for the end of this day
They all tell me I will be okay
I just don’t want to hear this today
Push everything back and it won’t exist
Take back my disease and the scars on my wrist
You changed the way my mirror and I spoke
And everything I used to be, you broke
Every chance I ever had, you changed my mind
And I’m just sick of knowing that you made me blind
Now you’re gone, and I have nothing left to me at all
I never thought I could ever take that hard of a fall
Open my eyes and I now can see I was so confused
And everything I kept inside made me feel more abused
The pain spread around in places I just could no longer take
And how long I kept it inside before I finally let myself break
I took the pieces and I had to put them back together
But the pieces won’t always fit forever
The glue and the tape just won’t always do
And I know I just can’t count on you
I’ll find a way to keep me sane
I just can’t always numb the pain
So here I am and it might be okay
Am I finally ready to live today
The girl in my mirror still yells some cruel things
And there’s still hurtful words every time the phone rings
But it’ll help me cope and I’ll finally be strong
Because as blind as I was, I now know it was you who was wrong

Autonomy

March 13th, 2020

You twist my arm
Like I’m a plastic toy
I said I’m not a Doll
But it’s pain that you enjoy
You turn me around
Like my path is easily altered
But I can make my own choices
Even if you think I’ll falter
You throw your words
Like a knife into my back
You want me to need you
But love doesn’t work like that

Run

February 19th, 2020

You used my pain
To your advantage
Of feelings that
I did not manage
A path that I
Could never change
Of memories that
I can’t exchange
With love left behind
In the past
Times of hope
That wouldn’t last
And I can’t hide
Or run away
So I sold my soul
To feel okay