That’s Not All

March 14th, 2006

You never answer when I call
You don’t catch me when I fall
You never helped guide me on my way
You just left me and pretended it was okay

Left me standing in the middle of the road
You taught me always to do what I was told
Thanks for trying to help me
You just guided me into insanity

[Chorus:]
Couldn’t you have at least said why
Couldn’t you have at least said goodbye
Couldn’t you have been here when I needed you
Because best friends always help you through

I thought we were best friends
But are we at our end?
You said that you would love me forever
Then you cracked under the pressure

[Chorus:]
Couldn’t you have at least said why
Couldn’t you have at least said goodbye
Couldn’t you have been here when I needed you
Because best friends always help you through

That’s not all, that’s not all
You could at least catch me when I fall
Or helped guide me on my way
But don’t leave me because it’s not okay

The Secret Life of Dolls

January 15th, 2019

Let’s go back
To a story that never started
Where a porcelain toy
Wasn’t left broken hearted
Let’s go back
To memories that don’t exist
Because the bruises never formed
At the hands of angry fists
Let’s go back
To when you didn’t drink the bottle
It fell empty on its own
And you’re still a perfect role model
Let’s go back
To when you didn’t let me down
You must have told me you were moving
Before you left town
Let’s go back
To when our family was defined
And I will delete what never happened
From the archives of my mind

First

November 29th, 2018

The first time I fell in love
I was in it alone
I was a broken child
Who knew nothing but a broken home
The first time I said “I love you”
I had said it to myself
I’d only ever written it
And never dared to say it to anyone else
The first time I knew heartbreak
Was the first time I knew love
I was engulfed by the emotions
Or the lack thereof
Then when I first realized
That love should be embraced
That was the last abusive relationship
I ever let myself face

Disclosure: This is an emotional video clip of me from Christmas 2008. I recently watched through my old video journals and found this. In this clip, I encountered the first time I confessed to being in love. These words stuck in my head for a couple days and ended up inspiring this poem.