Reflections Don’t Lie

May 31st, 2021

I feel beside myself
Am I even here
My life turned into
Something insincere
Is this the wakeup call
That I have been needing
These wounds never healed
I can still feel them bleeding
Taking bits and pieces
I try to keep things together
Nothing ever fits
When I’m a victim of the weather
I’ve crashed and I’ve burned
For something I yearn
A content life
But it’s just not my turn
Is it too much medication
Or is it not enough
When I spill out all my feelings
I regret opening up
Then I realize
That it’s not only me
Like Cassie Steele asked
“How much for happy?”

The Ending

December 11th, 2019

Time has passed
But I still ache
I told my truth
You let me break
Locked in my journal
The events that I transcribed
The feelings that I held
The medicine they prescribed
What happened can’t be changed
As I watched you drive away
We can’t alter the past
But we can start over today
Because in the midnight hours
When I was most vulnerable
You made a mistake
And we were irrecoverable
Because I am not an instrument
I’m not here to be played
I trusted too easily
Which left me betrayed
So if we see each other
There’s nothing to discuss
You made your decision
And left me with mistrust
All these songs know how I feel
And I can’t keep pretending
I’m worth more than an afterthought
So this must be the ending

Diagram

May 3rd, 2019

They say that you should follow your dreams
But that’s not as simple as it seems
When all my thoughts still echo of blame
It’s time to leave who I became
Anxiety is not who I am
I’m more than just your diagram
I have goals that I will pursue
This feeling is something I need to subdue
Me and depression are not one and the same
I’m my own identity with my own name
These pills I take to make me feel better
Because living without them is too hard to weather
And I don’t know who I should be
I can’t bear to know this side of me
So I must find how to proceed
A path that leads me to succeed

2019 5 (2)