Too Much

January 30th, 2010

Trapped in this room
I can’t pretend I’m safe
The voices are strong
I didn’t want it to be this way
I can’t find an exit
Only an end
They’re not the same thing
I need a new choice
I need a new voice
Someone come save me
I can’t find my grip
I’m feeling so weak
Nothing is right
Nothing is real
Why does this feel
Like I’ve been here before
Still, no exit
Still, no door
Still, no meaning
This is meaning
Still, no will
Still, no want
Still, no apology
Still, nothing
I follow the voice
It lurks around me
And the darkness does too
I guess they finally won
I have no choice
I must give in
It’s the only way
You know it’s the only way
First my hands
They fade so slow
I’m just so cold
You left me cold
My black eyes
They see right through you
You’re too cold to be numb
You deserve to freeze
You deserve to hurt
You deserve to feel
But this isn’t about you
And I’m leaving on my own
And I won’t think of you anymore
You’re already gone
My only thought is
The dark on my mind
The numbing won’t fade
This place is so endless
I just can’t escape
It’s just like the mirror
I remember when I used to look at her
The dark eyes
Never-ending
Repeat the pain
Feel my pain
Join me in the dark
Follow my voice
I’d tell you it’s going to be okay
But I don’t like to lie
My stomach crushes inside
My lungs can’t find the air
The darkness only laughs
It grows with my pain
This all goes back to me
I’ve always been a fool
I’ve just been too nice
Why am I so nice
I wish I had a voice
You were always the one
You’d say what I left unspoken
You completed my voice
But then left me broken
But at least I can’t feel
Because these memories hurt
So I’ll leave them in the past
It’s where they belong
And I know I don’t here
This isn’t my place
The dark all around
Is too cold to trace
It gives you that chill
Where you lose all your strength
And you’ve been going in circles
And nothing’s okay
And your legs want to collapse
Your whole body knows what’s wrong
But it won’t go away
And you just want to be strong
But I’m still in this place
And I’m still feeling weak
And it’s still all so dark
And there’s still no way out
And the mirror found me again
Covered in blood
Eyes so black
I feel so cold
And the color all fades
And the mirror lost its face
And the numbness I feel
Has settled in place
And it won’t go away
And nothing feels right
And everything’s changing
And I’m losing my mind
I just want something stable
I need something to stay
A comforting feeling
That can’t be taken away
But I think that’s too much
They think that’s too much
Am I asking too much
Is this asking too much?
They all put me down
Is this where I belong
But I keep getting up
Because I want to be strong
And sometimes I wonder
How is it so
That everyone keeps hurting me
But I don’t want to let go
Am I the only one
Who feels all the pain
I’ve been too nice
Why am I so nice
I just want to give up
I know the truth
None of it’s worth it
Why do I trick myself
And it kind of scares me
How much people lie
I’m so easily fooled
Why they look in my eyes
And there’s not many who are honest
But I feel I’ve been all along
I never thought I was the only one
But I guess I was wrong
So if this is asking too much
And I can’t even feel
And my mirror is avoiding me
And nothing feels real
I’ll keep searching for my exit
Because it’s all just too fake
But as much as I want to
I just can’t escape

I Know

January 25th, 2010

One little lie
I shouldn’t dignify
So I placed a rose in to your hand
You placed your toes in the wet sand
I saw that look inside your eyes
But I let you say goodbye
I know I didn’t try
I know I didn’t try
We crashed on your bed
My chin above your head
In my arms was where you laid
But we soon began to fade
And not the beach, but where we lie
One last kiss before goodbye
Our hands intertwined
Guilty thoughts inside my mind
I let the train pull me away
But it brought you back to me one day
We walked around in the summer air
I just really wanted to care
I know I wasn’t fair
I know I wasn’t fair
Another laying in my bed
Confused thoughts inside your head
I never told you, you were right
My feelings I just couldn’t fight
I wish I could take it back
But then the experience I’d lack
I know that it was wrong
I’d known it all along
I wish I never lied
I’m sorry I didn’t try

Unresolved

January 19th, 2010

I don’t know what to think
The questions pile up
I still don’t have the answers
I guess I’ve been stood up
I’m not sure what happened
You changed then changed again
And after all that happened
We’re still not even friends
Maybe it’s my fault
Did I come on too strong
Those moments we shared all to ourselves
I guess I read those wrong
I’m searching for the answers
There’s nothing there to find
I’m grasping for some context
But I can’t read your mind