Heavy

January 8th, 2010

I’m staring in the distance
But it seems so far away
I’m lost inside the crowd
And I’m lost inside the day
I watch the streetlights change
It makes the time go by
And every time I meet someone
I have to say goodbye
My thoughts are all so heavy
They try to weigh me down
I try to keep my smile
But it turns into a frown
I can’t keep myself stable
I try to hold on tight
And the more I seem to feel something
The more it seems to fight
I’m lost inside my thoughts
You killed me with that look
I trusted you too fast
Because you read me like a book
I warned you I was stupid
So you tricked me with your eyes
And I was all too happy
Until I found out it was lies

The Prison of My Skin

January 4th, 2010

The dark surrounding followed me
This is something more
The spinning room is haunting me
No exit and no door
And everything is moving
And I can’t make it go away
And after all this time
I’ve lost track of all the days
And laying down I fell right through
There’s no stable place
So weak and just so dizzy
But this is something I have to face
This is nothing that I knew
I’m learning by the time
And I can’t hold on to what matters
Because nothing’s ever mine
And no one’s ever honest
And no one ever cares
And the more it seems I need someone
The more they’re never there
And I mess up and make mistakes
It’s who I’m trapped to be
But lately, I just feel so lost
I hate to know this is me
I hate to face my mirror
I hate how I feel inside
I hate being trapped in my body
Because there’s nowhere I can hide
I can’t escape this prison
My skin just fits too tight
And I’m searching for emotion
But nothing ever just feels right
I hate looking the same
I don’t reflect my soul
And every time I need someone
I let that person go
I never hurt the right way
I just can’t feel the pain
I can’t make myself happy
And I can’t keep myself sane
And here I am inside
I’ve been dying to be free
I just need to move on
Because the girl in the mirror’s not me
My skin is closing in
I can only feel the guilt
Because I did this to myself
Because I dropped the walls I built
So I’ll put them all back up
And I’ll set myself free
Because I can’t hold on to my sanity
In a prison built for me

Go Away

December 26th, 2009

Make my world
black and gray
spun into a darker day
and in these shades
the feeling fades
empty
and that’s me
no demand
no hurt
nothing at all
the gray and black
have come back
and I find I lack
the words
to make
it all go
away