Crazy

November 8th, 2009

It’s crazy
how people you think you know
turn into
people you don’t.

Eyes wide
there’s so much you can’t see
though it is all real
but it doesn’t exist
because it was fake.

Loud noises
nothing that you want to hear
echo
ear to ear
make it stop
it’s not real
it’s fake
I don’t know these people.

I shake
and I can’t stop
but you can’t see it
because it’s not real
but it’s not fake
I feel it
I feel you
it’s crazy
I don’t know you.

I want to scream
but once I start
I fear
I’ll forget how to stop.

Quitting
don’t be a quitter
scream
and don’t stop.

I cry
and not the kind for pain
the kind
where you lose your mind.

I breathe
but not naturally
I force in the air
but it finds a way out
before reaching my lungs.

Inhale nothing
sink into myself
I can’t escape
you can’t escape
because you’re fighting
yourself.

I thought I knew
myself
you
the mirror
but I don’t.

I found a way
to comfort me
but inside
nothing’s what it is
you can’t see
what I can see.

I’m sinking
into myself
and it’s crazy;

But
I
don’t
know
you.

So Confused

October 11th, 2009

So suddenly
I can’t believe
I let myself get into this

And anxiously
I made believe
Happy endings really exist

And on my own
And so alone
I found comfort in a voice

And in the sound
So interwound
I led myself into a choice

And questioning
What once believed
A path I’d find would do me right

And nervously
I can’t believe
I once was looking for the light

And in the end
It will make sense
But nothing seems to anymore

And up and down
This stupid road
Still looking for an open door

I once believed
I once thought true
That love was a mutual feeling

But years of pain
And weekly crying
My broken heart’s finally done healing

And late at night
I couldn’t sleep
With thoughts of you clouding my mind

I took the pain
I took the confusion
Cause loving you just made me blind

And out of sight
Was never out of mind
Until I found someone thought to be better

But I got caught up
I tripped too fast
To find myself under the weather

And friends can’t see
When they’re not around
And maybe I found
I like it that way

And so confused
And so confused
And so confused
And so confused

I can’t say it enough
To bring out it’s worth
Because so confused
Is all I’m worth

Always

September 4th, 2009

I remember how confused I was, so many things running through my mind just about what was going on, and then we laid in awkward silence. The silence broke and you told me you loved me, and you had said it many times before, but none of it was real, none of it was what I needed, none of it was what I wanted. Time’s long gone since then, and this is when I start to realize the truth, I got myself caught up in a bad situation, and I don’t want it to count, so it shouldn’t. I believe how I feel, and how I feel is that I’m pure, and nothing’s what you said, and I’m alone. Half fact, half question, never sure of myself, but I have something that you didn’t take, not even close, and I let my love for you get in the way of the truth. I love you, but not as I did before, and I never should have, and I never will again. I’ve come to a strong decision of this part of me, and step by step I’ll figure out the rest: I’m alone, and I always have been.

(Originally Posted Here)