Liaison of Vast Endearment

January 4th, 2022

How is a word so scary
Removed it from my vocabulary
Except I used to feel too strongly
Until the word was used so wrongly
I felt that way about the word
A fluttering feeling when it was heard
Art and poetry filled with its letters
Then I realized that it deserved better
No meaning to support the claim
Because they say it all the same
Waiting to feel the warmth of the flame
So I avoid using its name

Fears

March 24th, 2010

It scares me
The thought that once again I’m fooled
Because I am so naive
And vulnerable
Should I trust again
The question doesn’t leave my mind
I’m feeling so lost
I’m feeling less sain
My heart has a way
Of getting the best of me
Does this deserve the best?
Do I even have a best?
These chemicals are overwhelming
I can’t keep a thought
I can’t fight my feelings
I need this to stop
I don’t know what’s right
I’m scared of the past
I try to keep hope
But I just can’t forget
Haunting my thoughts
And I can’t let it go
These feelings are confusing me
More than you know
Should I give in
Should I take a chance
My heart is so restless
Beating out of my chest

Disease

February 20th, 2010

Believe me, you always knew I was lying
Hurt me, you could always tell I was crying
Breathe me, I don’t deserve this air
Numb me, because I just don’t want to care
There’s not much else that I can say
Just waiting for the end of this day
They all tell me I will be okay
I just don’t want to hear this today
Push everything back and it won’t exist
Take back my disease and the scars on my wrist
You changed the way my mirror and I spoke
And everything I used to be, you broke
Every chance I ever had, you changed my mind
And I’m just sick of knowing that you made me blind
Now you’re gone, and I have nothing left to me at all
I never thought I could ever take that hard of a fall
Open my eyes and I now can see I was so confused
And everything I kept inside made me feel more abused
The pain spread around in places I just could no longer take
And how long I kept it inside before I finally let myself break
I took the pieces and I had to put them back together
But the pieces won’t always fit forever
The glue and the tape just won’t always do
And I know I just can’t count on you
I’ll find a way to keep me sane
I just can’t always numb the pain
So here I am and it might be okay
Am I finally ready to live today
The girl in my mirror still yells some cruel things
And there’s still hurtful words every time the phone rings
But it’ll help me cope and I’ll finally be strong
Because as blind as I was, I now know it was you who was wrong