The Real Me

November 4th, 2018

Everyday I wake up and look in the mirror
I smile and say I’m fine
But I know that’s not the truth
When I’m living a life that’s not mine
Some people know my story
Some say they’re thankful to meet someone like them
But when they see the real me
They walk away because they can’t comprehend
That I actually have a disease
My depression is not a trend
My anxiety is crippling
And I just needed a friend
But they take the first out that they get
Because friends come and go
And I can’t get too close
To someone who doesn’t know
Because I drop my walls
To those who don’t say goodbye
It’s hard to stop myself
When I don’t have to live my lie
But people don’t like the real me
They want the version I don’t know
So I will keep my distance
With a smile and a show

Disclosure: I read a new poem this week. If you can’t tell, I was unpracticed and extremely nervous. However, this is the real me.

Fine

May 31st, 2018

What do I feel
I’m not sure I know
I carry this burden
Because I can’t let it go
A glimpse of hope
I watch disappear
I’d say that I’m okay
But I am nowhere near
What are these feelings
I’m not sure
To decode inside my head
Is nothing but a blur
This is an emergency
That no one can solve
And the more I try to change
The issue evolves
All strings are attached
I don’t want to play
If you get too close
I always push away
So what is the problem
They always ask
Maybe they won’t think I’m crazy
If I put on a mask
So I will smile
And say I’m fine
Everyone should know
Never to trust that line

Show Time

March 13th, 2018

I write to chase my demons away
But they always find a place to stay
A vessel that I never would have thought
Holds the misery that I wished I forgot
The feelings never seem to end
I just find new ways to play pretend
I fake being happy so nobody knows
I put on my smile and put on a show
These things, they always start to pile
All I can do is embrace the denial
These pills are here to help me conceal
I don’t know if anything is real
All I know is I feel so weak
But my mind still finds its way to speak
I just can’t let these feelings go
So I put on my smile and I start the show

Disclosure: I was initially hesitant about posting this poem because I wrote this during one of my hardest struggles with depression. I am so thankful to have poetry as a healthy outlet for expressing my emotions, as I don’t know how else I could make sense of these unbearable feelings. If anyone ever needs someone to talk to about their own struggles, I am always open for discussion!